Trying not to blink

As we wrap up what I like to think of as “Graduation Party Season,” there is one thought weighing heavily on my mind: This will be us before I even know it. And the truth is, I’m not ready. Not even a little bit.

It’s hard enough to think that Cam is now technically a senior, that he is entering is very last year of high school. Seriously. It’s a concept that I know is true but at the same time can’t quite believe is true. For one thing, I’m pretty sure I was just a senior in high school (no need to remind me that this is my, ahem, 25th High School Reunion year). And for another thing, um, Cam was just nine years old, sitting across from me in Panera and telling me that we still had a long time to be together. I think that was just, like, last week.

So, him being a senior in high school? Not sure how that’s a thing.

And yet, I know it is. And I know that these lazy, hazy crazy days of summer are going to zip by and then we’ll dive head-first into a whirlwind year.

There will be homeschooling and work schedules; robotics and homework; doctor and dentist appointments; family gatherings and college applications; weekend trips and busy holidays; snow storms and spring break.

And then.

We’ll be there. I will be the parent getting ready for graduation, buying stuff for a college dorm room, and holding back the tears. (Because, if you haven’t guessed, I’m not great at handling big changes.)

It’s not all thoughts of tears, though. There’s a lot of awesome going on, too.

Honestly, I am SO excited for Cam. He knows what college he wants to go to, has some good friends who will likely be there as well, and is excited about the future. I loved my years in college and pray for a similarly wonderful experience for him. And this time in a young man’s (or young woman’s) life is full of anticipation and wonder. I look forward to seeing where God will lead him and how God will use him. There is so much good and so much excitement.

But still. I have to say, I’m just not ready. Not ready to give up the quiet nights at home as a family, the laughs we share when we’ve stayed up way too late reading ridiculous reviews on Amazon, the heart-to-hearts that catch me by surprise.

I know. It’s July. I have a good year here of the current “normal,” and I shouldn’t borrow emotions from tomorrow. I know that.

So what I’m going to do now is treasure. Treasure Cam and our relationship. Treasure the little moments and the big ones. Make more memories, and write plenty of them down. Work really hard at not taking any day for granted. And most of all, try hard not to blink. Because so much passes in the blink of an eye.

So for now, I want to keep my eyes wide open and be grateful for just how full my heart is.